From Broke to Hope

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Archive for the category “freedom”

That’s strange

I was watching a television show today, and I noticed a womans ring on her hand it was on the right hand. I instantly began to think to myself, Is she married? Is she wearing her ring on the correct finger? Wait I don’t remember what hand you wear a wedding ring on. I find that oddly strange, because sometime ago I was married, I remember that much because I spent right smart of my money doing so. Why don’t I remember what hand you wear your wedding ring on. Truth be told I don’t even remember much about that day. It is as if my heart decided to scrub my mind of the entire damn event. I did have a faint memory jog the other day, because the anniversary would have been two days ago. July 2, I remembered that much. All the beautiful details that I spent months and days pinning over, all erased from my mind, gone. My father walking me down the aisle, gone, my father dancing with me gone. The dance with him, gone. Maybe one day those memories will come back, but truth be told I don’t want them to. Sometime ago I was trying so hard to forget all those awful memories, I guess all that wishing finally came true. I know that those memories are there, buried like a treasure only in this case no one is searching for this treasure not even me. Maybe its worth it that I forget. I just find it kind of strange, that I don’t even care to remember.


Trying hard to remember, to forget!

I don’t have any difficulties with forgetting birthdays!
No difficulties with forgetting to change my oil!
No problem with forgetting to pay some miscellaneous bill!
No problem forgetting to take the trash out before work!
Hell, no problem forgetting my lunch at home!
But I am having difficulties forgetting the love I want! Somebody give me instructions on how to do that! Do I leave post-its all over my house telling me to forget him, forget how I love to touch him, love to look at his freckles, love to hear him say my name with his awful but cute lisp. Any ideas on Pintrest? Nobody blogging about this? No answers? Figures!
Forget how he makes me feel every bit of women I am! Forget how he makes me betray my good senses; forget how he makes me think that together we could take the world by storm! Still no answers?
Would it be easier to take an eraser and get to erasing? Probably not! I would still have the images burned in my mind, like a forever tatoo! Forget how he looks at me when he sells me the future, even though he is not sold on right now. Forget how I don’t want to wait until tomorrow, forget how I want him right now! Forget how this could just be all in my mind, forget how he told me he loved me! Forget that it could not possibly be just in my mind!
Well until then,I will be working on it, working hard to remember how to forget!

You Dayum Thief!

Something stole my words!
Someone stole my words!
I have never had my words stolen before, never had the inability to be verbose, never had the opportunity to not say anything, but today I write with something to say but I can’t find the words. Wait…..I think I remember what happened! Bad News called my phone one night with a whole lot of shit to say and things just haven’t been the same. Bad News started saying things about my father that I absolutely refused to believe, he told me that he was ill, I couldn’t believe what he was saying, but I think this is who is responsible for my lost words. I really don’t like Bad News, he never comes at the right time, he never says the right things, he always calls at some God forsaken hour, and Lord knows he never even tries to do the right thing. Bad News has the absolute worst reputation and is known to be the most rogues, and yet no one has protested about Bad News, no one has written the President, no one is doing anything about Bad News at all. It’s as if he is unstoppable! Maybe he is unstoppable?
I wonder what would happen if Bad News got a call from Good News? Ha, that would be interesting! I would hope that Good News, mopped the floor with Bad News, showed him a thing or two, but not without telling Good News to watch out, because that damn Bad News is a slick one, he jumps out of the corner when you least expect it.
But as to my plight, I just want my words back, I want to have something to say again, something to write again, some way to find the thoughts that I know I have and make them come alive again. I don’t want to become like Bad News always having the worst things to say, maybe Bad News was a victim as well, because if all you have to spew is bad stuff, then surely all of your good words must have been stolen too.
So Bad News enough already! Don’t you want to feel good again? Don’t you want to have something great to say? Something great to do? Maybe one day Good News will come to you, change the way you operate. Good News is always right on time, he will come at the right time, and he will definitely do the right thing and most of all Bad News you damn thief, Good News will give me back the words you stole from me those good words I need so desperately.

Todays Topic is about you!

602-01085390Most, if not all of us have participated in some form of gossip. Very rarely is gossip not about someones downfall, shortcomings, mishaps and wrong doings. If at any point in time something good is happening and someone shares it, it typically does not qualify as gossip. No one ever takes the time to share positive information it has no appeal and quite frankly no one cares about good news unless it’s about a baby and even the sharing of that can get dicey.

Well what if todays hot topic was about you. Does the information become less attractive because you are the one being talked about. Do you say things like, ” I wish people would mind their business,” and “what I do has no effect on anyone elses life.”! It makes you wonder how you could have taken the opportunity to not further discuss someones situation with such intensity, not thinking that the current situation at hand could be difficult to deal with as is, without you making it worse. At some point in time this year, I was the hot topic of discussion for the day. I managed to keep my head high during this time of gossiper exile, the stories would die down soon, some gossip dies down quicker than others, but my drama was juicy. I’m sure it rises every once and again, but at least the initial phase (shock) is over. That attribute of gossip is what always makes it so darn good, and makes it harder to go away.

My doomsday has been over for quite sometime now, but it has made me think twice before I engage in the exchange of the misery of others downfall.

Maybe today is your day to be talked about, remember no one is safe. But hold your head up high and bare the sting of repeated words, and smile for your gossipers! Today is your day! Revel in it because tomorrow will be their turn to shine.

The Cry heard around the World

ImageToday was a sad day,  filled with a cry I’m sure that was heard around the world! There was a mass assisted suicide, committed right here in the United States of America, right under the auspices of the NYPD, FBI, and the CIA. Jack Kevorkian pales in comparison to this little known Mademoiselle of Death, to date her count in one swoop towers over the numbers he lead into “the light”!

Those listed amongst the dead: Neiman Marcus, Macy’s, Nordstroms, Visa, Best Buy, J.C Penny, Bloomingdales, Kmart, and Lord & Taylor. The only remaining survivor was Target. Rationale as to why is unknown.

The assisted mass suicide, wasn’t because of a rumored Armageddon, it wasn’t to perfect a specific race, nor was it because those folks loved their fearless leader, but more so it was to rid this writer of debt. Yes, I am the Mademoiselle of Death! Today I cut up all of my credit cards, it was sad, but liberating at the same time. At the onset of this blog I took a picture of my savings from a cut open water gallon. It really was representative of my savings which remains to be a really sad state of affairs.  But I promised myself to never live check to check again, and killing off all the major players in my wallet was definitely warranted. I remember watching an episode of “Fresh Prince of Bel-air” in which the father cuts up all the daughters beloved credit cards, she was emotionally distraught. I thought this scene was funny and silly then, but today I literally had a small tear form in the corner of both of my eyes while cutting up my cards. Probably would have made for a really great picture. 

With these folks out of my life, I think I can reach the top again. I can pay my bills monthly with a little extra at the end of the month, to do something fun again. I have been under the gun so long, I forgot what it feels like to pay all my bills without robbing Peter to pay Paul, and then having to go back and rob Paul to pay somebody else. This bill thing has gotten out of control, I must reign it in. Until then I have to live by the motto, “If I don’t have it, I can’t have it”. Grown ups require discipline too!!!!  I am growing up everybody, I am growing up.

There will be a memorial service held on December 1, 2012 as I remember the debtors that I was once owed, anyone else needing to stand in memory of please feel free to join in.

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